A year ago I was hoping that 2015 would be easier than the years that preceded it. It’s quite tricky, when you get to the end of a year, to weigh and measure and to proclaim it good, or bad. This year has certainly had some tough stuff in it, my diabetes diagnosis, a death and some illness amongst our extended family and friends, but there were also some times when we were able to step out of crisis mode and just live our lives.
I spent New Year’s Eve in a manner that many more of my days should, ideally, be spent – I had lunch with one of my oldest and dearest friends, and saw the new year in with another, equally dear, friend and her family. The day was filled with talking, and laughing, and music, and so, so much hugging and kissing.
I tend to be rather hermit like in my habits. I am prone to, thankfully usually mild, social anxiety and this has combined with a couple of recent incidents (which were almost certainly merely accidental oversights) to leave me feeling rather awkward of late. It is easy for me to slip into a cycle where I feel unsure of myself and, in trying not to be too needy or overwhelming, appear aloof instead. Yesterday taught me that I am wanted, and loved, and that this sort of friendship is something I need more of.
I’m superstitiously leary of making actual resolutions but, by saying this publicly, I hope to remember that the world has lovely people in it, that my life is richer and happier for knowing those people, and that I can, and should, spend time with the people I love, and trust that they will love me back.